seen, saw, seeing

My life has always changed for the better. I like to remind myself this when life starts feeling hopeless. There are things I’ve seen, saw and are seeing that would turn a believer into a non-believer. As many as those things are, there are just as many that would turn a non-believer into a believer.

I’ve seen, saw and am seeing beautiful, wonderful, magnetic and amazing things that are too special, too rare, and unique for this world. Words can’t explicitly describe these sightings and events that took place. However, what I can describe is the feelings that I’ve felt. The feeling of an insurmountable joy, the opposite of an ache. It’s utterly astonishing, a feeling of relief and safety and security, happiness. The closest description of these sightings would be, seeing an under-dog finish in first place, seeing someone with a disability do something you or I, could do, but generally take for granted, seeing someone down on their luck and finally catching a break. These sightings are a good feeling. A feeling that makes you feel good.

Somethings I speak about many people don’t understand and won’t understand, I don’t write for them. I do, write for the people whose hearts ache for others. I do write for people that yearn for empathy, acceptance, forgiveness and friends. Good friends, not the kind that don’t text you back, or the kind that embarrass you by default. The truly good ones. Those are the the people I’m writing for.

Writing is a journey. It’s been a journey for sometime now. I’ve traveled through life for 27 years and counting and are amazed at my discoveries of individuals, people and souls. Soulless people, I don’t want to think exist, but perhaps they do. When you meet someone and it feels so natural, so “right” almost instantaneously (just a reminder, no one is perfect and generally most people have their walls up at first) but still…you know what I mean. I’m sure, you also know what I mean, when you meet someone and it feels the very opposite of natural and right, it feels unsettling, off-putting, invasive and aggressive. These people I wouldn’t go as far to say they don’t have souls, but thats generally the first thought that pops into my head. My next thought is that they must have been through quite a lot in their life, to offend someone in a simple greeting or exchange. It makes me think people are born from different cloths. Which is something I’m still discerning.

Discernment is a wild thing . It makes you question your innate self, your inner self or even the self, that you “think” is you. Discernment questions you, not the other way around. Instead of a progression, I like to think of it as a regression. It’s going backwards from where you are in your life at that certain point in time, with your certain ideals and beliefs, and limited knowledge and it counterbalances the influence of those, in the discerner’s life. Only the truly free are rid of these influences, self- doubt, and fear. I do believe even the most confident of us, has days of self-doubt, because we are humans and we are not perfect.

Speaking of perfection…because we are not perfect, we strive to be. As if there is an image in our society of perfection. The closest we have to that is religion, and that backfired due to the lack of understanding of what it means to have eternal life. More importantly, what it means to live in a physical body, with eternal and spiritual beliefs.